2
Arranged Marriage
In-laws want us to delay kids for 5 yrs. Is that normal to ask?
Before the engagement is even final, her parents said they expect us to wait 5 yrs before kids so she can focus on her career abroad.
I am fine delaying a couple yrs, but 5 feels like a term in a contract set by them, not us. Also it is our call, not theirs.
Is it normal for the girls parents to set this kind of condition upfront? How would you read it, caring or controlling?
2
Comments
If her parents set this now, notice how much they will steer later. How she responds when you raise it is the real test.
Agree the principle, kids when WE are ready, and leave the exact number to you both later. Dont sign their 5 yr clause.
As a woman I would want to set my own kid timeline with my husband, not have my parents hand it over as a rule. Talk to HER.
Caring would be we hope she can focus on her career. Controlling is 5 yrs, non negotiable, decided by us. This is the latter.
The timeline is one thing, who decides it is the real issue. Kids timing is you two, not her parents. Say that gently.
Delaying is fine, but a 5 yr condition set by her parents before engagement is them writing terms into your marriage.
The number is less scary than the fact they are negotiating your private life before the ring. Redirect it to the two of you.
A couple yrs to settle is sensible. Five yrs on someone elses demand is a precedent you dont want set on day zero.
Find out if this is her wish or theirs. If she wants the time too, great, agree it together. If it is only them, worry.
Frame it as our decision to make together. If she agrees, lovely. If she defers fully to her parents, that is your answer.