14
Arranged Marriage
She wants me to move cities for her job. Am I wrong to hesitate?
Met a girl twice, we genuinely get along. Her career is in Hyd and she is clear she wont move. Mine is set in Pune with my aging parents here.
She asked if I would relocate. I said I need to think and she went a bit cold.
I am not against it in theory but leaving my parents alone is heavy. Is it fair of her to expect the guy to move, and is it fair of me to hesitate? Feeling torn.
14
Comments
Two meetings and she expects a yes on uprooting your life. Pace mismatch. Slow it down and see if she can handle that.
I moved cities for marriage. Worth it ONLY because we planned for both sets of parents. Dont do it without that plan.
Hesitating is not wrong, going cold on you for needing a day to think is the bigger red flag here honestly.
Hesitation is you taking it seriously. The ones who say yes instantly to uprooting often resent it in yr two.
The real question is parents care, not ego. If moving means leaving them alone, that is a legit reason, not cold feet.
Why is it assumed the guy moves OR the girl moves. Ask if a third city or a plan for parents nearby is possible.
As a woman who asked a guy to move, I also gave him time to think. Her going cold over one pause says a lot.
You are not torn because you are selfish, you are torn because you are responsible. That is a good trait, not a flaw.
Talk about your parents openly with her. If she cant make space for that in the plan, the city is not the real issue.
Relocation is a huge ask and so is leaving aging parents. Neither of you is wrong, you just may want different lives.