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Arranged Marriage
He keeps saying wife should adjust. Small word, big worry
Talking to a guy for 2 weeks. Nice on most things, but he keeps dropping the word adjust. Adjust with my parents, adjust the job timings, adjust the cooking.
Never once has he said we will figure it out together. Always me adjusting.
Is this a language thing I am reading too much into, or is adjust the polite word for do everything my way? Ladies who have been married a while, did this word turn out to mean what I fear?
14
Comments
Married 7 yrs. Adjust meant me quitting my job, my friends, my city. Please ask him directly what adjust means to him.
Adjust is the most dangerous word in AM. It always flows one direction. Trust what you are noticing, it is a pattern.
I say we will figure it out to my wife, not you will adjust. There is a reason those two sound so different.
The word itself is fine, the direction is the problem. Marriage needs both adjusting, not one person being the adjuster.
Not overthinking at all. Test it, propose a compromise where HE adjusts something small and watch the reaction.
Ask him for one example of something he would adjust for you. If he blanks, you have your answer.
In fairness some guys just talk clumsily. But 2 weeks and it is a theme already. Themes dont improve after marriage.
My mausi warned me about this exact word and she was right. Adjust is never 50 50, it is 90 10 dressed up nicely.
As a guy, the ones who say adjust a lot usually mean obey. The good ones say we will sort it out. Language is a tell.
Raise it now. Say the word adjust worries me, can we talk about it. His answer is basically the whole marriage preview.